lost

So tonight is different from most. I'm posting 2 insted of normally one. but this one is about somebody special. Somebody who for 4 years I thought was lost, My Girlfriend Martaysha. We met back in 5th grade and we kinda started out rocky, we didn't really start as friends. I saw her and thought she was cute so i started being normal me which is a clumsy dork. Anyway, she moved in 6th grade and i didn't hear from her after that. I figured she was gone forever, never to be seen again. so i had some bad relationships, and in some ways got lost myself. I started turning away from God, the one who had saved me and protected me. After I started High school, i relized i was on a dead end path, but didn't know how to get off, so I started looking for something to get me off the cycle, and i found it. Freshmen year I went to go see Ken Davis, This guy is funny. He is a Christian Comic how has some funny stuff, and well, i was down waiting to talk to him durring the intermission and i herd a voice that i hadn't herd for a long time, so long i couldn't put a name to it, but that didn't take long when i herd her say Martaysha, My mind started working at moch speed trying to figure it out and as i was, she looked over and asked my name. At that point I was a little causious cuz i didn't know where this was gonna go, so i replyed with my name and she comes back with my last. I was like there is no way, i was speachless. We started talking and we ended up going bowling a few weeks later, and I relized i still liked her. so I asked her out. and to my suprise she said yes. This is about april and we lasted untill feb of soph. year. we ended up breakin up over a stupid fight and it killed me inside. and again, i became lost. i made mistakes that I wish i could take back, one of them was not chasing after her. but there was about 3 months where we were apart and over summer we started talkin again, i had recovered from my mistakes and so i was ready to try again, i told her that i never stopped loving her and i hadn't gotten over her. we ended up gettin back together and now we are still happy. I LOVE YOU BABE, and I don't ever wanna let you go.

Children of the light

So lately i been listenin to alot of music and one song that got me was Children of the light by Lecrea. The reason i bring this up is because the song starts, "We are children of the light, Royal rulers of the day. Saints, no prisoners of the night, Trust and love will lead the way. We are free." That hits a note with me because for me, being free means I don't have to worry about my sin. I am free from my sin because of a man who walked this earth 2000 years ago. He was the perfict lamb, The son of God. That is something I have a hard time understanding. Why would somebody send there son, not only there son but there ONLY SON, to die for a sinner, to save the world. He took the sin of not only me, but of everybody. EVERYBODY, so that we may live to see heaven. That would kill me if I was God. To send my son to die for people who would turn there back on me. I sometimes have a hard time remembering the fact that God did that, and there are times that I need to be reminded that he has forgiven me. So tonight, with the last day of christmas break coming up, I needed to be reminded how much God loves me. I pulled my Ipod and asked, How much does he love a sinner like me, and my Ipod replyed with the song East to West by Casting Crowns, and that was the answer I needed. "Jesus you know just how far the east is from the west, cuz I can't stand to see the man I've been come rising up in me again. In the arms of your mercy I find rest, cuz you know just how far the east is from the west. One scared hand to the other." That is the love that God has for us, I know it is hard to comprehend, but looking at it now. It is clear, He loves every last person in the world, and wants a relationship with everyone. "I'm not holding on to you, but your holding on to me." that is how we are with him, He will never let you fall, He will always catch you. All you have to do is have faith,

confussion

So, this start of the year has my head spinning around like crazy. I have made my resolutons and plan on tryin to keep them, how well it will work idk. Just trying to get my things set to make sure i know what i am trying to get done. I have been confused alot lately on what God is trying to get me to do. and I still don't know the answer. but i feel like this has been a huge test for me, last year, i was trying to get things figured out and it didn't work, so i'm trying to get things figured out and so hopefuly with some prayer i will.

The year

Ok, so it is new years eve, getting ready to kiss this year good bye. I just can't help but look back and see how things when. Some good and some bad, some angry, some sad. I think the best part of this year, was finding what I had lost. Back in feb, my gf at the time dumped me, reasons I didn't know at the time but I figured it was over a fight we had. There were about 4 months where things went down bad. I just had to remember things were going to be looking up sooner or later, and they did. I ended up talking to her after bout 3 1/2 months we started talkin again, we started making good on what was broken, and we started relighting the on teh relationship side of things, we ended up getting back together. That was the best part of my year, and every day since has been amazing. Every time I see her she makes me smile, it dosen't matter how bad I feel. I love her like crazy and would go insane if I lost her. She is the best thing i can think of that has happened to me this year. Another thing that happened was that back in feb I was in a car crash, I managed to walk away with only a bruse on my shoulder from the seat belt. I have been thanking God ever since everyday I wake up and see the sun rise or see the moon, I know that life is very short and it makes me think b4 i act. I have made alot of friends this year, including all of those who i met at camp and love them all dearly. I guess, this year has been over all a great year. Now I look at this year and say, Good bye, old, and HELLO 2012 END OF THE WORLD HERE I COME!!!!!

The Fight

We all have fights in our lives, some fight for country, some fight for family, some fight for money, but I fight, for what I know I can be. I fight because I have a family that loves me, I fight because I have the best girl friend in the world. I fight because I know that if it wasn't for people who fight then we would not be where we are today. Back when the Twin Towers, The Pentagon and United Airlines Flight 93 happened, I remember hearing somebody say, "Somebody just messed up bad," and looking back ya they did. The men and women fighting over seas now are fighting because they have such love for there country and those who live in it that they will fight to the death, THE DEATH, to keep us safe. That is something I respect like crazy. They are willing to die for total strangers. Now, i'm not saying everybody needs to be in the military, I'm saying that the ones who are I have the upmost Respect for. but i'm getting off topic here. The Fight, Why is it so imporntant that we fight. what does it prove. For some it proves power, other revenge, for me, Peace. I feel like when somebody wrongs me that they will get what they have coming and i'm not one to judge, but i do belive in justice and being they way i am, would love to put the justice into the person then letting somebody else do it. My fights are my own and i won't ask for help unless i really need it. but I do know this, when i fight i don't loose. I feel like the reasons we fight are sometimes just as improntant as the people fighting. so the next time you pass somebody on the street, remember they are fighting there fight, and sometimes you need to remember your fight.

Alive

So tonight on my way home i herd this amazing song. Alive in you, by seventh time down. I love the message they put in it because, they just say it. Jesus freak till the day that i die. And i think that more of us need to feel that way. Last night kinda hit home with me because i relized that i was just going through the motions. So i stopped and said, God, please tell me what i need to hear. and he did, in Psalm 23. It basicly says that I will have everything I need and that God will have a place for those who belive. For me, that is what i needed to hear, I had been trying to do everything on my own. Macho man style, and in a relationship with Christ. there really ain't room for that. There is that little bit of Independance but It is all about serving Christ and spreading his word. But in order to spread his word, you have to know it. So from now on i'm going to get to know the word, and spread it to all those around me.

ouch

So i'm still chillin with my girlfriends family and we were playing this game tonight and i messed up my ankle, AGAIN. this is starting to get on my nerves, i think i'm gonna just start wearing my brace all the time. All i know is that if i wanna do what i wanna do i need to stop messin it up like this. ugh. I know i'm venting but that is what this is for ain't it. I'm still havin a blast but i just need to get my head off of things.