ouch

So i'm still chillin with my girlfriends family and we were playing this game tonight and i messed up my ankle, AGAIN. this is starting to get on my nerves, i think i'm gonna just start wearing my brace all the time. All i know is that if i wanna do what i wanna do i need to stop messin it up like this. ugh. I know i'm venting but that is what this is for ain't it. I'm still havin a blast but i just need to get my head off of things.

For real

So today is day 3 for me reading my bible daily and like i'm going through the book of john. for those that don't know it is a great book. Today was about the living bread. It still suprises me that a king. A KING would leave his place on high and come down for me. a sinner and nothing more then that. but when Jesus came down he made me more then that. He made me a child of God. He saved me by dieing on the cross for my sins. I have herd the story so many times i almost know it by heart. but i'm getting to it in the bible and i'm comming up where he knows who is going to betray him. He knew who it was and didn't try to stop it. It is crazy. He knew what his mission was. He had accepted it and knew that for many to live one must die. Now i'm talking from his view take it from his fathers. I'm going to let my son die so that way i can have many more come to me. I personaly don't have any kids but i have a little brother who i have helpped raise and i couldn't think of doing that to him. I would much rather put myself in that place. But God loves us so much that he sent his only son ONLY SON. to die for us. if that isan't love than i don't have a clue what is. This is the love that God has for you and all of us. I just can't belive it because God loves us that much. Today is officaly thanksgiving and i am thankful for so much. I am thankful for God who sent his son, the men and women defending this great nation, and most of all my amazing family. they have been with me through everything and i wouldn't trade them for the world. so today take a step back, what are you thankful for. maybe you don't know but you are going to find out. just remember. God loves you and is thankful for you. Shouldn't you be thankful for him???

Me

So today at church, my minister told us the story of the lost son. For those that don't know the story, This man has 2 sons, the younger son comes up to his father and asks for his part of the estate, and with that he leaves off to do what ever he wants. Soon there becomes a famine of the land, and he ends up almost dieing because he can't find food. So he dicides to go back to his father and ask to be hired on as a worker and not his son, he dosent' feel he diserves to be called his son anymore. So when he gets home his father sees him comming and calls the servent to get the fattened calf and kill it. This hole time the oldest son is in the field working and hears the music as he grows closer to the house. He asks his father why he is celabrating the return of the younger son, and his father says. He was dead to us and he came home. He has returned from the dead and diserves to be celabrated. Now the reason I use this story is because I myself am the same way. I was lost for a long time. From about 7th grade to about this year i was a mess. I was lost and now i'm returning home. It took me awhile to see i was lost and i made a few mistakes while i was lost, but i see how they have efected me and i know that i have learned from them.

My Story

So like I have said before, I'm a Christain and this is my story. I was raised in the church and I knew what I was supose to do and not supose to do. I knew i needed to be baptised but when I was, I don't think I truely understood the full magnitude of the choice I made. I feel that at church camp whas where I truely made my choice to follow Christ fully. Now at this time I was in about 5th grade. I was baptized but I really didn't change my life style. Now i wasn't a bad kid, but I also wasn't living the life I should have been. As I got older, I started making choices that still haunt me today. One of them was to start cussing and I am still fighting it. I knew it was wrong but I didn't care. I felt cool. As i got to jr high I started acting worse, I made choices that were very wrong and still get to me today. As I go on, I see how God was there the whole time. I knew I was doing wrong and I also knew that I needed to change but I didn't want to. Then, freshemen year, I met my amazing girl friend, Martaysha. She has been an amazing help in getting me back on track. She holds me acountable for everything and anything. I would be lost without her. Now here is the kicker. I met her in 5th grade and I had a crush on her. Now she is my girl friend. I don't know about you but I see God there. She showed me how to face my past. She showed me that I am more then the mistakes I have made. She has been such a key player in me staying on track. Then there is Mommy #2 Missy, my gf's mom. She has Inspired me to be so much stronger and she has been with me every step since i started dating Martaysha. They have both been so much help and I wouldn't trade them for the world. but in about febuary we broke up for a few months and I became a mess again. I started falling back on the old habits I had and it took me untill church camp to get my head on staright. This year we did a Cross Walk. we were in our small groops and we made a cross and we carried it from station to station. one of them, was a station where we had to face our sins. we wrote them on a peice of cloth which we draped over the cross. When I was carring the cross i started crying, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I knew that I was lost and I knew i needed help. That night after the cross walk I made a choice to give my life back to Christ. I said I have messed up and I'm not who I need to be for your use. I herd something and it said, You have returned and will be used well, my child. I only know that Christ has made me the man I am today and I owe him everything for the choice he made on that cross for my sins. I am blessed with family and friends, who suport me in my time of need and if I need help I can call them and have them there fast. This is how I came, left, and came back to Christ. If you have a story, coment I would love to see it. If you are thinking about a relationship with Christ, but aren't sure where to start. Leave a comment or a message, I would be more then happy to talk to you. I hope this has inspired someone to make a choice. "You are more then the sum of your past mistakes. You have been remade."

what a day

Today was a crazy day. Just wouldn't slow down. I started with color guard practice and then went to the books as normal but there was a lock down today druing first hour. The army guys came by and talked to me, as normal i'm trying to get things worked out so i can enlist. hopefuly. Like i said before I want to be a combat medic for the United States Army. I got a beine and a shirt for my sister. it was a good day, in choir i got to lead warm ups and it was eh, not good. after that we went to clean the color guard equipment and then went to history. We talked about the end of world war 1 and how it led up to world war 2. just a lot. and then we went to the staff meeting which i really can't say much bout cuz that is personal, after that i came home and relaxed and went to practice for prais band. just another day in my life. maybe i can start to slow down. but prolly not. oh well i'm looking forward to next weekend though. I get to go to see some people i ain't seen for ever. but before i do that i need to get a hair cut. lol

I feel like a brick on a wall

So today was a day that i really felt like i was invisible. I felt like a brick in a wall that nobody notices. untill i got to supper. I had a performance at Golden Corral for a Celabration for those who have served and are serving now. It was so nice to meet them and hear some of there stories. And the cool part was that we ate for free. it kinda felt wrong but at the same time i didn't mind but i am very thankful for those who have served for this great nation. I would like to thank them. I feel like this week has just been so crazy and hecktic that i couldn't hardly slow down and now i'm putting focus on an eagel project for scouting which if i get that done and get all the merit badges i need i would make my rank as long as i pass the board of review. but on a more sobering note, i had a flashback today to a time when i was in fourth grade and it was febuary. The weekend before valintines day. That friday there was a party at my school and my mom stopped to help, leaving my brother with my grandma. We went to pick him up and take my sister to her friends house and on our way home, my mom got a call from my aunt saying my grandma was on the floor in the bathroom. My mom got to her house as fast as she could and when she got there she called ems with a posible stroke. now my brother was freakin out like crazy and i was calm and strong. but i knew how bad it was. Ems got there and i went out side to show them where the house was. they got there and took her to the er, where it was shown that she had bleeding in the brain. I might seem like i have it under control in the middle of the fight but after wards i was a mess. and my little brother who was scared durring the fight was there to comfort me. They ended up flying her to Wichita and my mom went with her on the plane. the next day we drove up as the rest of the famiy and met up with my mom at the hospital. they let me back to see her and i lost it. I started crying and i knew i had to be strong for my brother when i went back out but i knew that it was going to be hard. But i somehow got it back together. The next day, she passed away. The thing that got ahold of me was when she died there was a sun dog, (ray of sun that shown through the clouds) that went straight to her room, and i just knew that she was gone. But for some reason i didn't cry, and if i did they were tears of joy. I knew she was in a better place and I still have a hard time understanding why God had to take her but I know that She is looking down on me proud of my goals i have set and the ones i have reached. I miss her and she will always be close to me no matter what happens. I will love forever, I remember she is in a better place but she is so far away, and yet so close.

Inspired

I am a Christian and beliver in Christ. I will always turn to him in my time of need for power and strength. Today I watched 2 movies. Facing the Giants and The 5th Quarter. Both of which inspired me to be great. I have learned that you can be so much stronger then you ever dreamed when you have the Lord on your side. No matter what you are going through or how bad you are hurting, he will guide you. He will protect you and comfort you in your time of need. It might not always seem like it but when you are facing the giants and you seem out numbered and out gunned, You always have back up. You are never alone in the fight. You always have a friend who will help you and keep you standing. He might let you get bumpped around but he won't let you fall. He loves you so much. I have been through stuff that i see how God was there for me. I also look back and see when he let me get banged up. but i still saw him. He has never left my side and he never will. I will fight for my friends and family and for my faith. I will never leave a man behind and i will always be there. I have been inspired today through my faith to keep strong and stay true. And now i pray the same for you.

really

So I can't sleep tonight. idk why. i guess i just got a lot on my mind. I been talkin with a friend and i'm thinkin bout what i wanna do after high school. I want to join the army and become a medic. It can be dangerous because the medics go out onto the front line with the fighting men and help them if they get hurt. they can also be seen as an easy target because they are always busy helping if somebody is hurt. making it easy to see who the medic is. I guess the more i think about it the more i question my reasoning for wanting to join. I was only in 1st grade when 9/11 happened. and i remember it well. i remember as i got older and grew to understand what truely happened that day and since then i have felt an anger, pride, or what ever you want to call it that i want to bring justice. ya i know we got bin ladin but guess what somebody else will just take his place and do something again. maybe even worse then what happened that day. but the body count since that day has been increasing daily because the brave men and women who have fought to make this country as great as it is. I have friends who are serving and i thank them for it. I also have people in my family who have served and i thank them as well. but i guess there is just a pride in the uniform or and an anger when i see a video of that day that truley fules the fire that makes me stand up and say I am an American and I will fight for the rights of my fellow countrymen. this might get way off topic and i am sorry it is all in my head right now and if i don't get it out i will be up all night. I know my reasons for wanting to do what i want to do. i don't have to prove anything to anybody or justify my reasoning all i have to say is look at what happened on that day and there is where the true pride in the most powerful country on the planet stands. look at how we responed with the force and will to save anyone we could and get justice for whose we couldn't. I'm tired of sitting around saying oh i will let somebody else handel it. I'M DOING IT MYSELF. like it or not. like my 1SG says, "Lead, Follow, Or GET THE HECK OUT OF THE WAY"

Wow

So, one of my friends gave me the idea to do this and just let things out. this last year has been absolutely crazy. I don't even know where to start. My high school got a JROTC program and I have been involved and have made it to the rank of Master Sergeant and am on the Batalion staff. ever since i joined color guard i have barely had any time for my friends or family, I have been going and going and going and so this weekend for veterens day we had like 3 performances in 2 days which normally ain't that bad but for some reason they really took it out of me. Plus my brother and i ain't been getting along well lately and it is starting to get to me too. I just need a break and i'm trying just to keep calm but i just don't know sometimes it is hard for me to see the light at the end that God promises us but i think i'm starting to see why he says life ain't easy. In the past 3 months i have had to grow more then ever to try to keep up with my leadership as well as my family and I know that God will help me through as long as I stay true to him and fallow his words.