lost

So tonight is different from most. I'm posting 2 insted of normally one. but this one is about somebody special. Somebody who for 4 years I thought was lost, My Girlfriend Martaysha. We met back in 5th grade and we kinda started out rocky, we didn't really start as friends. I saw her and thought she was cute so i started being normal me which is a clumsy dork. Anyway, she moved in 6th grade and i didn't hear from her after that. I figured she was gone forever, never to be seen again. so i had some bad relationships, and in some ways got lost myself. I started turning away from God, the one who had saved me and protected me. After I started High school, i relized i was on a dead end path, but didn't know how to get off, so I started looking for something to get me off the cycle, and i found it. Freshmen year I went to go see Ken Davis, This guy is funny. He is a Christian Comic how has some funny stuff, and well, i was down waiting to talk to him durring the intermission and i herd a voice that i hadn't herd for a long time, so long i couldn't put a name to it, but that didn't take long when i herd her say Martaysha, My mind started working at moch speed trying to figure it out and as i was, she looked over and asked my name. At that point I was a little causious cuz i didn't know where this was gonna go, so i replyed with my name and she comes back with my last. I was like there is no way, i was speachless. We started talking and we ended up going bowling a few weeks later, and I relized i still liked her. so I asked her out. and to my suprise she said yes. This is about april and we lasted untill feb of soph. year. we ended up breakin up over a stupid fight and it killed me inside. and again, i became lost. i made mistakes that I wish i could take back, one of them was not chasing after her. but there was about 3 months where we were apart and over summer we started talkin again, i had recovered from my mistakes and so i was ready to try again, i told her that i never stopped loving her and i hadn't gotten over her. we ended up gettin back together and now we are still happy. I LOVE YOU BABE, and I don't ever wanna let you go.

Children of the light

So lately i been listenin to alot of music and one song that got me was Children of the light by Lecrea. The reason i bring this up is because the song starts, "We are children of the light, Royal rulers of the day. Saints, no prisoners of the night, Trust and love will lead the way. We are free." That hits a note with me because for me, being free means I don't have to worry about my sin. I am free from my sin because of a man who walked this earth 2000 years ago. He was the perfict lamb, The son of God. That is something I have a hard time understanding. Why would somebody send there son, not only there son but there ONLY SON, to die for a sinner, to save the world. He took the sin of not only me, but of everybody. EVERYBODY, so that we may live to see heaven. That would kill me if I was God. To send my son to die for people who would turn there back on me. I sometimes have a hard time remembering the fact that God did that, and there are times that I need to be reminded that he has forgiven me. So tonight, with the last day of christmas break coming up, I needed to be reminded how much God loves me. I pulled my Ipod and asked, How much does he love a sinner like me, and my Ipod replyed with the song East to West by Casting Crowns, and that was the answer I needed. "Jesus you know just how far the east is from the west, cuz I can't stand to see the man I've been come rising up in me again. In the arms of your mercy I find rest, cuz you know just how far the east is from the west. One scared hand to the other." That is the love that God has for us, I know it is hard to comprehend, but looking at it now. It is clear, He loves every last person in the world, and wants a relationship with everyone. "I'm not holding on to you, but your holding on to me." that is how we are with him, He will never let you fall, He will always catch you. All you have to do is have faith,

confussion

So, this start of the year has my head spinning around like crazy. I have made my resolutons and plan on tryin to keep them, how well it will work idk. Just trying to get my things set to make sure i know what i am trying to get done. I have been confused alot lately on what God is trying to get me to do. and I still don't know the answer. but i feel like this has been a huge test for me, last year, i was trying to get things figured out and it didn't work, so i'm trying to get things figured out and so hopefuly with some prayer i will.