I feel like a brick on a wall

So today was a day that i really felt like i was invisible. I felt like a brick in a wall that nobody notices. untill i got to supper. I had a performance at Golden Corral for a Celabration for those who have served and are serving now. It was so nice to meet them and hear some of there stories. And the cool part was that we ate for free. it kinda felt wrong but at the same time i didn't mind but i am very thankful for those who have served for this great nation. I would like to thank them. I feel like this week has just been so crazy and hecktic that i couldn't hardly slow down and now i'm putting focus on an eagel project for scouting which if i get that done and get all the merit badges i need i would make my rank as long as i pass the board of review. but on a more sobering note, i had a flashback today to a time when i was in fourth grade and it was febuary. The weekend before valintines day. That friday there was a party at my school and my mom stopped to help, leaving my brother with my grandma. We went to pick him up and take my sister to her friends house and on our way home, my mom got a call from my aunt saying my grandma was on the floor in the bathroom. My mom got to her house as fast as she could and when she got there she called ems with a posible stroke. now my brother was freakin out like crazy and i was calm and strong. but i knew how bad it was. Ems got there and i went out side to show them where the house was. they got there and took her to the er, where it was shown that she had bleeding in the brain. I might seem like i have it under control in the middle of the fight but after wards i was a mess. and my little brother who was scared durring the fight was there to comfort me. They ended up flying her to Wichita and my mom went with her on the plane. the next day we drove up as the rest of the famiy and met up with my mom at the hospital. they let me back to see her and i lost it. I started crying and i knew i had to be strong for my brother when i went back out but i knew that it was going to be hard. But i somehow got it back together. The next day, she passed away. The thing that got ahold of me was when she died there was a sun dog, (ray of sun that shown through the clouds) that went straight to her room, and i just knew that she was gone. But for some reason i didn't cry, and if i did they were tears of joy. I knew she was in a better place and I still have a hard time understanding why God had to take her but I know that She is looking down on me proud of my goals i have set and the ones i have reached. I miss her and she will always be close to me no matter what happens. I will love forever, I remember she is in a better place but she is so far away, and yet so close.